I miss ma 누나 so fucking much
you guys have no clue… like… no fucking idea how much i miss her….
you guys have no clue… like… no fucking idea how much i miss her….
The individuals that I have met here in California have reached to me in so many different ways T.T i’m so fucking thankful and blessed that i was able to meet so many of them and befriend them all. I have the best fucking roommates in the world and I found the best fucking community here in Davis. I have changed so much in my character and outlook in life and i find it so comforting. There were so many humbling experiences that I’ve been through so far in my short stay here and there has been a lot of trails and errors, but i’m not surprised because i’m used to fucking up a lot.
I have allowed my past experiences to hold me back and seriously fuck up my emotions. I hid behind a facade of humor so that i people would not question my sanity. I wrote this quote five months ago and its disappointing that it took me this long to finally take heed of my own words, “Don’t allow your past to hold you down. Your past is your foundation, not your gravity. Build on it and move upward towards your future.”
The past five days has been a mutha fuckin roller coaster of strange emotions. I guess its that time of the year again where my depression relapses. Luckily, this time around, I was able to surround myself with so many amazing people. The support and sense of belonging is so real here, and the strange part is that none of my friends know how much they have influenced me. They do it unconsciously, which tells me that they are fosho keepers. Every single one of them are so fucking magical and amazing, and basically have rainbows shitting out of their asses because they are so commendable in my eyes.
I’m truly getting that college experience here at Davis. By living dat Dorm life, making new friends, experiencing a new culture, joining a fraternity, doing all those useless all nighters, going on dates, drinking, puffing, and doing all the other crazy things, I have created new chapter of my life here. Coming to California, by far is the scariest, riskiest, and dumbest thing I have done in my life, but California has given me everything that i wanted and more. Davis shall always be my safe little haven in which I can evaluate my life and ambitions. Away from all the burdensome worries of my past.
Thank You God for giving me this opportunity to rehabilitate myself for I was truly dying in the inside before coming here. I pray I don’t nullify this opportunity… I am truly grateful on how I have received countless amounts of ‘second’ chances, and it is kind of disappointing that I still haven’t gotten my shit together… Yesterday was the day in which I finally took the time, paused, and looked at my current surroundings. I love it here. I’ve learned so much about my self and what I can become, and this time… I promise to come out matured and educated as i familiarize myself in what i truly want for my self and for the ones i love.
The past few weeks made me realize how blessed I am to be given the opportunity to study at UC Davis. I love it here so much… You guys have no clue… Seattle will always be my hometown and Atlanta will always be my homebase, but Davis will always be my safe haven.
I realized that everyone in college is thirsty like no other =.= some people are just better at hiding it then others. It only takes a short convo with the whores and who they have slept with to find out that the gays in Davis are basically in a huge orgy with one another. at least i don’t front about it and pretend to be something I’m not
I’m done… I’m sorry but if you want me to get involved with all this, then sorry i’m gone. I don’t want some crazy ass nigga come after me cus i’m messing with someone’s man. buh bye to my love life cus its non-existent now
soooo KASA and KRoh had a party/kick back last night and it was actually somewhat decent. Never seen so many fobs so drunk haha
So my friend had to take a mad shit so he went upstairs where there was a mutha fuckin line and took a shit. When the next guy went in he was like 똥냄새 쩌러! omg… i died laughing… and as he was heading downstairs he was like 발냄새 시발! omg… i fucking died… the way he said it and his face… omg… i can’t…. i fucking love fobs
I realized that in the past I’ve jumped into situations that ends up bad a lot. Wither it be in my personal life, academics, or just over all life choices. I take those mistakes and I embrace them.
The past few months have been a learning experience… Even though I have had a full year of university under my belt, coming to California changed me so much. I guess living that ‘college’ life created that little extra push i needed to reevaluate my life. For once in my life i want to take it slow and actually step back and go at my own pace instead of trying to rush things. Wither it be pushing towards a relationship or trying to cram classes for an early graduation. I need to stop and really evaluate on what I am doing.
My life goals and dreams are constantly changing and becoming more realistic as well as becoming a reality… Taking a break from all this mess would be nice :P can’t wait for the extended weekend!
I worked so hard in to getting into my dream fraternity. So many people rushed for the top fraternity on campus and I almost cried when Pierre called me to offer me a bid. The acceptance ceremony, meeting the bothers, going to the house… everything was so surreal… I makes me so mad that i have to dropout/defer my pledging quarter…
If i told any of my high school peers that i got accepted into a social fraternity they would have just laughed and not believe me. The fact that Sigma Nu wanted ME to join their brotherhood was so hard to grasp and now that I have to say no and defer it kills me… I hurts so much when it’s served to me on a silver plater and yet i can’t… it legit hurts.
Its not fair, and i’m questioning it everyday. Do i really have to drop out? Nathan you work so hard for this. You wanted this for years and year thinking that no fraternity would accept you, let alone the top fraternity… It just makes me so mad and disappointed of where my life is standing right now. so fucking frustrated i don’t know what to do…
I never want college to end. This whole experience is so amazing. I mean I did a year at Georgia state university for senior year of hs, but coming to Davis is so much different and honestly, it’s the best choice I’ve made in my life. The people who I met in the past 2 weeks have impacted me so much already and I’m actually kind of scared on how much I’m going to change after this first year…
Also the whole going Greek thing is so mind blowing to me… Who would have thought that 5’5 Nathan Chung who looks like a middle schooler would fit in with the social frats??? Like I’m getting bids and invited to formal alumni dinners! For multiple Frats!!! Like wtffffffffffffff!!! Starting from being scared of white guys, to being able to chill with them and actually have a good time is so hard for me to comprehend.
Culture, actions, lifestyle, basically everything around me is changing… Even the way I look O.o While growing up I never had much friends, only a small hand few, but here in Davis everyone seems like my friend >< it’s so cliche to say that but it’s true. From living in the south for like 11 years, I forgot that not everyone is as prejudice as I think they are. All these new people and friends make me so excited about my future, fuck I might gain like 50 new brothers by joining sigma nu… It’s crazy and idk what the future holds, but I hope I’m going down the right path :3
This whole experience is so crazy :O so surreal… so many people and things to do. sorry for not being so active on my tumblr but i promise to post more once i get my work flow going :3
I’m not good at saying it… It’s weird the think about saying good bye to friends and family and not know when the next time I’m going to see them. I had my first official good bye at UGA today and…. It just tore my heart out. Thinking of going to California and not knowing a single soul and starting a new chapter of my life is making me insomniac. The money issues are making me stressed like no other and makes me wonder if it really is worth my troubles…
In the past year I finally found friends that I can trust; and the idea of leaving when I just established the relationships makes me want to curl up in a ball… I keep on remember when I had no one and how dark it was and I don’t want to go back to square one… But I need to remind myself that I’m older and I’m not ‘sick’
I guess the next 3 days are going to be a struggle for me… I hope I’m making the right choice in going…
like… the flat out lie. Why bother when its right in front of you?
i’m starting to feel the fear now…. Within 16 days I’m going to leave everyone I know and go to the other side of the Country. I thought I will be feeling relief and happiness, but right now, at this very moment I’m feeling queasy.