tumblr is not private anymore

it seems to many people IRL have found my tumblr…. i don’t feel that comfortable anymore talking about personal stuff anymore here…  

I tend to latch on to people like a naive puppy. I’m not clueless. I’m lonely. I don’t want to worry about anything in the world. I just want to be safe and in a haven. 

hmmm i think i might have a problem here… i seriously need to slow down before it gets to late. Starting spring quarter i need to sober up and stop. 

Isn’t weird how we end up doing all the things we said we would never do?

I realize there are so many things i can’t control in my life. Not even my mental state. Things come and go and I fall back in to relapse. When everything falls apart i come to realize that I still have control over one thing, my body. I can do anything I want with it. Being able to manifest the will power not to eat gives me control and power over myself and it feels so empowering. No one can stop me and it is the only thing that keeps me going.

I’m caught in a cycle. Getting help is harder then I thought because I don’t know where to start. But being able to control something makes me feel better. Idk. Fuck

Inspiration comes in strange forms

physical beauty

So… i found a guy I kinda like and I feel like we can start dating, but all my friends are giving me shit because he isn’t that good looking. Bunch of hypocrites… You guys all say its not about the outer beauty, its all about the inner beauty, but when it comes down to it you guys don’t even take the time know ‘ugly’ guy.

Plus beauty is relative isn’t it? I find him attractive… He actually is a genuine nice and caring person and so much more of a man then any of the haters will be. Ya’ll mutha fuckers need to stop hatting and open your god damn eyes. Didn’t know you guys were that low….   

what am if I can’t control anything? useless. 100% useless 

It seems that every guy I start to like gets taken… I flirt and it is obvious that I like the dude, and everyone knows it, but they just end up playing me and start dating someone else… The past 3 crushes been like that. It sucks because all three of them flirted back and led me on. I just thought they wanted to take it slow… guess I went too slow because the other better looking, taller, and more fit gays who are more forward took the opportunity to ask them out where as I didn’t have the guts to do…

I’ve always been the chaser… and for what? I always either end up losing the person or they lose interest in me and all i’m left with is an empty wallet and being hurt.

single life ftw =.=

Becoming distant

I feel like 2014 i’m becoming a new person. Things are changing and I’m becoming distant from the family and friends who I love… I’m not the type of person to miss people so I have neglected to remember where I’ve came from and i seriously need a reality check to ground myself again…

The past is what grounds you

The future is what want to be prepared for

and the present is what you enjoy